1. Choose a microfiber cloth. This is vital. You must have
the highest quality cloth. If you are thinking about going cheap on the cloth,
ask yourself: did Picasso buy low quality paintbrushes?
2. Turn the device off. The electricity might damage the alignment
of the molecules of your amazing new cloth. Ask yourself: would Picasso paint a
canvas that hadn’t been turned off?
3. In a series of small circles, wipe the entire screen. If
the circles are too big, the Earth might explode. So be careful.
4. If necessary, SLIGHTLY dampen a COTTON cloth. Don’t you dare even think about moistening the microfiber cloth. Use only
the finest distilled water. If possible take the water directly from a
stream in Maine. Avoid New Hampshire water at all cost. Ask yourself: did Picasso ever fuck with New Hampshire?
5. Go over any spots that need it again. Do not over rub. Do
put too much pressure on the screen. Do not threaten the screen. Do not curse.
Be nicer to your parents.
6. Congratulations, you have successfully cleaned a touch screen!
6. Congratulations, you have successfully cleaned a touch screen!
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